NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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