All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
