fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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