I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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