covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
