Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
