Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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