I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
