i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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