Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
