i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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