hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
