You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
