Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
