just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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