i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
