thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
