when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize