He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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