i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
