remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
