this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
