i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
