i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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