smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i barfeds in our rink
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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