I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
