i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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