it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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