i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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