dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
