I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
