My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
operation harelip BJ is a go
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
