Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
