I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
