I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I didn't notice because vodka
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
