Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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