There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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