2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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