Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
