you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize