At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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