That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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