omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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