whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
