It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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