his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
