instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
