There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is Oprah even human
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
