Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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