You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
