I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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