So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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