The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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