I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
