He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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