Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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