sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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