Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
