All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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