we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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