ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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