omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
