i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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