There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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