i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Vodka?
Forever.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
