i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
