Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
