Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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