why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
