As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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