Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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