the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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