I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize