During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
please don't ironically join a cult
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