i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
