Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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