It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize