Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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