So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
