but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
