you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
