I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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