I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
