Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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