you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
