I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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