WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
