roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
