K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
