I seem to have left my pride at pride
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
