the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
