haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
