You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we're so committed to being not committed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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