I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I CAN MOONWALK!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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