we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize